Throughout a majority of my life, I always thought being told “no” was a sign of weakness, of failure, of exclusion. I had no problem having it part of my vocabulary toward others, but when it came to being on the receiving end…I couldn’t bare it.
I thought I was invincible after getting into graduate school and scoring the assistantship of my dreams – I was easily getting accustomed to the word “yes”. Multiple instances this year felt like I was running into massive road blocks plastered with N’s and O’s all over. Was I elected for a Recruitment Weekend chair? No. Did I win the Graduate Student Case Study Competition at SEAHO? No. Was I selected to be a TPE intern in Baltimore? No. Were some of my ideas in various group projects implemented? No. It wasn’t until recently that I stopped and reflected on this powerful two-letter word; just like I have a choice to utter it, the one dishing it back to me also has that same right.
Instead of starting back at square one each time rejection surfaced, I had to utilize No to my advantage – to push myself in a different direction. What did that entail, you might ask? First, to start on the more positive end of the spectrum, I reflected on the instances where I have been told yes. Where did my strengths lie, and how can I best transfer those strengths to my not-so-competent capabilities? Then, I thought, “Well…sometimes my yeses weren’t because I was competent in XYZ aspects, but because the ones telling me yes believed there were areas in my toolbox that needed improvement.”
So, that led me to think about why I’m being told no. Have I thought about inquiring from the No-deliverers firsthand, or am I only scrutinizing myself through my own personal lens? Just because I have goals for what I’m pursuing, that doesn’t mean the other end has those same objectives. With any avenue you might be interested in pursuing, there are invisible components that aren’t always visible through your frame. Many times, it’s okay to not be able to see the bigger picture; but, it’s NOT okay to NOT comprehend that the bigger picture exists.
Reframe any no situation as “opportunities” instead of seeing it as defeat! Ask questions such as, “what were you looking for?”, “how can I better prepare my skills in future endeavors?”, or “where do you see my strengths operating best?” After many of my thoughts pondering over various “no” situations, I finally reached an epiphany! In any given circumstance, I am not being evaluated by the number of no’s or yes’s I’ve achieved in my life; I am, however, being assessed on how I’ve internalized, reflected upon, and successfully navigated through those various responses. I’ve turned those no’s into pit stops to understand what my purpose is, and how I can best accomplish them.
To channel my inner Kanye, I’m honored to receive some no’s every now and then – they’ve made me work “harder, better, faster, stronger!”